Ready?Ok.
So I know that I have to let Brandon go, I have tried several times to just text him and every time his answers are short and not like his usual responses. I need to move on, he was a high school crush an unobtainable guy, and I secretly hoped that he would like me, but no. So I need to let him go (and that is going to be pretty hard), so this is me saying goodbye to you. I know that you may never read this or see this. But goodbye, the friendship we have had over the past couple of years has been amazing, but I can’t be friends with someone who leads me on, gets me to like him and then just stops talking to me. So like the Michelle Branch song goes, goodbye to you and everything that you do.
So after doing that I feel so much better. I needed to be said, and I guess that now I can officially move on. I still have no clue what I want to do with my life, but I have done one thing that I said that I would do and that is to stop waiting on others, to do things that I like. I need to gain my independence. And I am doing so, one day at a time. Its scary to think that I will leave this guarded place called college in two years. But at the same time I am excited to live in the city, with jen and jackie. I am excited about figuring out what I want to do with my life. Hopefully, I can follow my dreams and somehow end up in the music industry, which would make me immensely happy. I have also discovered that if I should go to Graduate school I want to go to Northwestern. I love Evanston, and can picture myself being really happy there. Another thing is that I hope to never live further than Evanston, when and if I am staying in Illinois. Evanston is a suburb but it is very close to the city. I need to stay in the city, Chicago is one of the few places I go to where I feel at home, and feel as if I belong.
I always have problems feeling like I belong, but hopefully one day I will get that feeling. I mean I have that feeling but it is only with Jackie and Jen do I feel like myself, and its crazy how much I miss them. But whatever, one day I will find that group of friends, and I will find my happiness. I just need to be patient, and ready for it.
